


Noticing

by SailorFish



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Kink Meme, PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-14
Updated: 2013-01-14
Packaged: 2017-11-25 11:37:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/638492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailorFish/pseuds/SailorFish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It takes Bilbo a while to notice, because even if seeing is believing he can't quite grasp the idea that Dwarves can feel terror.<br/>De-anoned from the kink meme.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Noticing

**Author's Note:**

> The ages of the dwarves in the movies is not quite the same as in the books (Balin should have been seven when Smaug arrived according to the wiki?) so I just used whatever suited me. Also, **teeeeeny tiny spoiler for the book in the veeery last sentence**!
> 
> Original prompt here: http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/1990.html?thread=1722822#t1722822

It takes Bilbo a while to notice.

It takes Bilbo a while to notice, because Dwarves hide behind beards the likes of which Hobbits can't grow, because he doesn't yet know the Company so well, and because, well honestly, even if seeing is believing he can't quite grasp the idea that Dwarves can feel terror.

But they do.

They do.

\--

The younger Dwarves... the younger Dwarves are different.

Gloin might squawk if a Warg jumps out unexpectedly, Bofur might run for cover if outmatched ten to one, Ori might tremble if the mountain path is muddy and slipping would be fatal.

But it's not terror. It's fear, perhaps, but a fear can be laughed off, a fear can be forgotten, a fear can be faced.

\--

The terror Bilbo notices in the older Dwarves is different.

It sneaks up on them when they don't expect it, and it leaves them standing still, so still they seem to be carved out of the rock they love so much.

Terror leaves Oin making tiny, heartbreaking yelps as he (doesn't) toss and turn in bed; terror leaves Bifur's hands making strained, abrupt gestures that are his equivalent of screaming; terror leaves Balin twitching and panting and it weighs down Dwalin's footsteps and hunches his shoulders.

Terror leaves Thorin Oakenshield standing so, so still, his pupils a dot in too large eyes, as an overeager Fili dumps a redundant amount of branches into the campfire so that it roars and cackles and spits.

\--

And Bilbo also notices how the older Dwarves get out of their terror-- not deal, no, because that would involve admitting to it, but simply and plainly _get out_.

\--

Dwalin's on watch, so he wakes Oin. Roughly, but gentler than usual for Dwalin.

"Such a fool, mumbling about ale even whilst he sleeps!" Dwalin sighs, louder than absolutely necessary. "He'll wake the whole woods up with his yearnings!"

Oin grips Dwalin's arm silently, then settles back down into dreamlessness.

The next morning, Fili and Kili chortle and tease Oin for his love for drink, and only Bilbo notices that Oin's gruff replies are full of relief-- relief that this is what they're focused on.

\--

Stealthily, when he thinks no one's looking and they're hidden by shadows, Thorin gently grabs hold of Bifur's jerking hands and stills them to a shudder. Then, out of a pouch he always keeps on his person, he produces some sort of Dwarven multi-tool and a tiny broken toy. Within seconds, the nervous (terrified) energy is used up in making the toy better than new.

Bifur's hands still completely and Thorin pats him wordlessly on the shoulder before moving away.

Bilbo pockets the toy, so carelessly abandoned by both Dwarves now that the problem is gone (for now).

\--

Bilbo doesn't know what sets off Balin, what brings the fountain of terror within him surging to the surface, but he knows what sets off Dwalin: a terrified Balin. And they cannot afford to lose both to mindless fear, so Bilbo watches Thorin and Oin keep an eye on Balin, always and eagle-eyed.

The second Balin stumbles, the second he stills and his breathing becomes labored, one or the other is next to him and ready to pick up the pieces.

Oin suddenly decides that riding on a rough, dangerous track under pouring rain is the best time to try out his new salves. He whips them out, a huge assortment, and rubs them into Balin's arms, managing to somehow continue balancing on his pony.

"Won't that just wash right off of him?" Bombur chuckles as Nori and Dori shout their agreement.

Oin just pretends his ear trumpet is full of rain and he can't hear them until the others get bored. Meanwhile, Bilbo watches the color and the life flow up from Balin’s arms and return to his face.

Or, if Thorin is closer, the Dwarven prince suddenly decides he is keen to hear a tale of Durin. He claps Balin companionably on the back as he tells him to amuse the young folk, and Bilbo watches terror being almost literally pounded out of someone.

\--

What sets Thorin off is fire.

He won't admit it, won't ever admit it while his kin (his sister-sons) draw breath, but fire drives Thorin to the brink of insanity as his terror spreads like flames (from flames) and his very being is consumed. Fire burns up his calm rationality; Bilbo is sure that ultimately, fire was what drove him, injured and weak, to throw himself upon Azog from that tree; fire is also what caused him to lose the fight just as surely as he lost his head to the flames.

But Thorin is made of stern stuff-- a hearth does not faze him and neither do Gandalf's wizard tricks. Only when the burning is out of control does Thorin too burn. Bilbo notices this and admires it. He's not sure he himself could stomach warmth if heat had devoured the Shire.

So when Fili's campfire grows to the brink of control and Bifur and Dwalin are occupied, and Balin and Oin are too far away, and Thorin's lack of movement becomes unnatural (is he even breathing?), Bilbo is the one who acts.

With a sort of feigned casualness, he stumbles over himself, attempting to fall as close to the dancing flames as he dares.

And Thorin is jerked into motion.

Bilbo's knees haven't even hit the ground yet when with a mighty lunge, Thorin pulls him (practically throws him) out of reach of the blaze. The Hobbit lands on his backside, staring up at the Dwarf-- who is staring down at a completely different scene, Bilbo understands, one which involves a much younger Thorin pulling many, many Dwarves out of reach of a much more horrible inferno. For a second, Bilbo becomes uneasy: Was this really the right choice of action, or did it send Thorin further to the brink?

But a Dwarf, unless a tiny child, weighs far more than a Hobbit, and this realization snaps Thorin's thoughts back to the present. His eyes clear of shadows; a hint of suspicion and shame crawl instead into them.

Still, Bilbo sighs a sigh of pure relief.

Then he notices that Fili, as well as the nearby Kili and Gloin, are staring at them as well, in particular at Thorin's violent actions. How had Dwalin done this again..? Oh yes.

"Thank you, Thorin!" Bilbo babbles, scratching his head in a sheepish manner. "I guess that last bit of road left me far more tired than I thought, haha! I do wish I’d thought to bring along some strong, comfortable boots from Bag End; the boots they sell in Man towns just do not sit right. Is there any chance I could bother you-- no, no, I don’t mean to imply you are bootmakers! Well, as they say in the Shire, all's well that ends well."

By the end of this, the other members of the Company have drifted off, smiling to themselves about their silly burglar. Thorin interrupts the speech with a quiet, gruff: "Never mind it then."

He helps Bilbo to his feet, and the Hobbit is pleased to note that the shame is gone, though an inkling of the suspicion remains.

\--

Bilbo doesn't know how to help the Dwarves get rid of their terror. He can, and he does, help keep it away for a little while more, but he doesn't know how to get rid of it for good.

Still, every little bit helps, and soon the older Dwarves notice him as he has noticed them. Gradually, they allow Bilbo to help, gradually they even welcome it. Even Thorin.

And so it becomes an unspoken secret between them, between Balin and Bifur and Bilbo and Dwalin and Oin and Thorin, while the rest of the Company notice nothing and Gandalf notices everything but looks on silently (in admiration or exasperation or fond frustration Bilbo does not know).

 _Fire-douser, who terror itself flees from,_ he calls himself to Smaug.


End file.
